The Lantern Keeper: What Happens When You Let Someone See You
How to stop showing only your strong side and let someone see the real you.
A man looked after a lantern on a high cliff above the harbour. He lit it every night, and the light helped ships find their way home safely.
Nobody in the village knew his name.
He liked it that way. He came after dark, left before sunrise, and usually answered questions with a nod. Helping people was easy for him. Letting people know him was not.
One winter, he became sick, and for three nights the lantern stayed dark. On the fourth night, he slowly pulled himself up the path, but the lantern was already burning.
Four villagers were there. One had climbed up each night to light it for him, so the ships would still be safe. Another had brought a pot of soup and a blanket for the cold.
They had knocked on his door every day that week. Each time, he had told them through the door that he was fine.
For eleven years, he had believed that people only needed him because of the lantern. He thought that if he ever stopped helping, nobody would come.
It can feel safer to be needed than to be known. But the people came for him, not only for the lantern.
Here are two lines for the days when you would rather hide. Read them slowly.
I can be known, not only useful.
Letting someone see the real me is not a burden on them.
Let People See You
Helping others can be a good place to hide. You can stay close to people without talking about your own feelings. People thank you, but they may never know what you are carrying inside.
I did this for years. At the time, I thought I was simply a private person.
But people cannot know the real you if you never show it to them. Here are three small things you can try this week.
Notice What You Show People
Most of us show people a safe version of ourselves. We say we are fine, act strong, and make it look like everything is under control.
We do this so often that we may not notice it anymore. Then we feel unseen by people who only know the version we chose to show them.
People can only see what we allow them to see.
I can show people more than my strong side.
Start With Something Small
You do not need to tell someone your whole life story. Being seen does not begin with a big confession. It can begin with one honest sentence.
The next time someone asks, “How are you?” try not to say “I’m fine” if that is not true. Speak to one person you trust and tell them one real thing.
You could say, “I am tired today,” “I am worried about something,” or “I have had a difficult week.”
That is enough to begin.
I can say one honest thing to someone I trust.
Let People Help You
This may be hard if you are usually the strong person. When you tell someone how you feel, they may want to help, and your first thought may be to say, “It is nothing,” or “I can handle it.”
Try to let them help anyway.
Their help is not a debt. You do not have to pay them back. Helping and being helped are both part of a close relationship.
When you always refuse help, you can feel lonely even when you are surrounded by people who care about you.
I can accept help without feeling guilty.
Before You Go
The lantern keeper thought people only cared about the light. He believed this for eleven years, but three dark nights proved him wrong.
Maybe you are also keeping something to yourself. It may be tiredness, worry, or a part of your life that you never talk about.
The people around you may be stronger and kinder than you think. They may care about you, not only about what you do for them.
Let one person see something real about you this week. You may be surprised by who walks up the path.
And if you would rather practise this in a safe place first, that is what the cohort is for. It is a live four-week group for a small number of people who are learning the same thing.
The next group opens soon, and I would love you to join us.
👉 Join the next affirmation cohort
Keep climbing.
— Adam
P.S. For eleven years, he did not believe anyone would walk up the path for him. They were knocking at his door the whole time. People are often kinder than we think.